Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
