your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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