I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
