remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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