Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
