Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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