I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
