The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
