Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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