Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
