I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
