oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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