Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
