you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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