careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
