we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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