I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
