I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
