okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
