i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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