Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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