i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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