If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
