I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize