my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
