I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
