is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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