Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
