Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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