I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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