he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
