So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
