I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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