some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
