this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
