At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
