this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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