Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
