you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
