it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
