4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
