Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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