I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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