last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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