god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
