You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't notice because vodka
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
