When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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