loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
