I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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