We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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