I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
