cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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