i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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