So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I could make wine with my vomit
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
