He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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