yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
