He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
