i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
