The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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