It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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