I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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