Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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