Im at strip club and am horny
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
