remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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