It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We are two peas in an std pod
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
